I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
