Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I died a long time ago.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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