so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
