just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am naked and annoyed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
