I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
