I just made out with a guy for $7.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
