my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
