I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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