I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
