His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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