if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
