I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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