i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
