Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
