He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
