she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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