Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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