I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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