my mouth tastes like poor choices
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
