But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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