literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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