Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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