Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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