I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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