I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
