it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
