You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
