I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
3 2 1 whiskey
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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