i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
