he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
