Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
