I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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