As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My liver just broke up with me...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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