Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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