dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
