Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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