he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
