So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
