I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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