My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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