Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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