im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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