we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
