I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
