i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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