I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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