HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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