Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
