I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
