remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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