I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
